i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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