the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
