I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I love you. Go after that dick
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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