sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
