I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
