Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
