all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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