Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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