You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
