hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
