So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
