I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
