Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
