first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
