what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
