Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
