He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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