Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
