Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
