apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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