Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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