Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
