smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
