Moan for me like Helen Keller
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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