how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
