im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
