I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
