So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
