So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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