the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
