your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
