are you so shy because you have an std?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
