Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
