The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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