I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
