glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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