I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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