so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I love you. Go after that dick
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
