i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
