So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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