So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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