how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
