Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
