I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
