yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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