talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
