You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
