if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
