dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
