your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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